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Welcome aboard
the Southbound Lassitude 431 ?
to Grim Town!
If you’re standing
please continue to stand, ?
there are no additional seats.
Please note this train
is for the following ?categories of
passenger only:

? Recipients of universal credit
or minimum wage
? The lonely
? The disenfranchised
? The disillusioned
? The lost
? The grieving

Those who are unmedicated
and have salaries ?or pension plans
should vacate the carriage immediately.
Passengers will be required
to ?disembark
and travel on their knees from this ?point,
sustenance will not be available.
Please surrender any faith,
aspiration or optimism ?to platform staff
if you haven’t already.
There will be no refunds or compensation
for inconvenience. ?
Refreshments will not be available.

Enjoy your journey